Little King’s Story Review

Little King's Story

I’m trying to make the best of a bad port. I really am. But Little King’s Story on Steam is troubled by all kinds of issues, from wonky controller dead zones to the sound cutting out to the game freezing or crashing at the worst possible moments. At times, these bugs are so frustrating that I want to just uninstall the game and be done with it. The next day, however, I’m at it again, hoping I can make it past the crash this go-round, because I don’t want to stop exploring the game’s world. When it works, Little King’s Story is a very fun and charming experience. It’s like a mix of Pikmin and Harvest Moon and is equally addictive. I can play for several hours straight and not be bored.

Well… that is, until the game crashes, a rude reminder that I am, in fact, simply playing a game and could probably make better use of my free time doing something that’s not going to periodically wipe out 20 minutes of work while alerting, “Oops, I stopped responding.” I’m at a point in the game now where I don’t think I can progress any further. Because the current crash condition takes place right after a somewhat annoying boss trial, I’ve run out of patience. No more attempts. The bugs have won. That’s hard for me to accept, though. I was really enjoying this half-casual, half-punishing adventure/strategy/sim game. How often are you even able to say sentences like that? Not often enough, my friend. Not often enough…

Friends From College – Season 1 Review

Friends From College

For a TV show that has the word “friends” in the title, this is some of the most unbelievable camaraderie I’ve ever seen. These people don’t feel like friends at all. Sure, the dialogue constantly reminds you that they have history, and the montages scream, “Look, we’re having fun together!” but it’s all so forced. I guess you could argue that, being horrible people, they don’t have many other options. But the characters aren’t comically horrible like the gang from It’s Always Sunny. They’re more like the characters from The League: upper-class assholes who get enjoyment out of sabotaging each other. At least The League was pretty funny in its first few seasons. Friends From College simply has no sense of humor.

I’m actually confused how I should have approached this show. Was it supposed to be a comedy? It seldom tries to be funny, and when it does attempt comedy, it fails on cringe-worthy levels. I think the show would have been better received if it just went all-out drama and re-cast everyone. I don’t know why you would bring in actors like Keegan-Michael Key and Billy Eichner if you’re just going to subdue their normally manic personalities. Occasionally, Key will talk in a funny voice or flail around, but those moments of “levity” are so out of place with the rest of the cast. His random, jokey behavior doesn’t excuse the fact that his character’s a dick, anyway.

So one of the main story threads is that Key’s character has been cheating on his wife with another woman… who happens to be in the same circle of friends. Yeah, hard to root for a guy in that situation. And if watching one affair isn’t bad enough, the show introduces a second affair within the same circle of friends in the last few episodes. Seriously, these people have no respect for each other. At least the friends from It’s Always Sunny and The League had something in common to keep them together. Here, I just never saw a connection. They were friends, because it’s a TV show. They were cheating on each other… because it’s a TV show. A pretty bad TV show, to boot.

F is for Family – Season 2 Review

F is for Family

Season 1 had a scene where young Bill caught an unfortunate glimpse of his father’s ball sack. It was gross, sure, but it helped build up Bill’s childhood trauma in hilarious ways. In Season 2, however, the character they’re trying to traumatize is you, the viewer. They really doubled down on the crassness and vulgarity, because we get a full-on view of Vic’s penis this time around, a fat prostitute with saggy breasts that won’t stay in her blouse, an exploding guy who sprays blood on everyone, and a statutory rape scene. It’s all cartoonish and played for laughs, of course, but it is a bit much, particularly for a show that worked so well when it stayed grounded.

I’m still a little bothered by the statutory rape episode. I’m not saying 14-year old Kevin wouldn’t have done what he did in that situation, but I find it hard to believe that the older woman involved mistook him as “short for his age.” Yep, that was the jokey pay-off there. Might as well have been a Family Guy cutaway gag… Every secondary character on this show is a joke, really, and not in a good way. Their voices are grating, and their personalities are pretty one-note. This is in stark contrast to the Murphy family members, who so expertly come across as real people with real problems.

Sadly, F is for Family has started to channel Family Guy more and more. Season 2 drags the Murphys down a little too far into depravity to the point where it’s hard to even root for them anymore. And yet, like Peter’s frequent, end-of-episode “ah jeez, I’m sorry Lois” speeches, we’re to believe everyone has learned their lesson and forgiven each other in much the same way. The show has too quickly embraced being a cartoon—an adult cartoon, no less—but doesn’t know how to balance the silly with the serious like BoJack Horseman has been able to. Not that the world needs two BoJack Horsemen, but there’s a reason why that one is Netflix’s cartoon jewel, and this one isn’t.

Dragon’s Dogma: Dark Arisen Review

Dragon's Dogma

I expected this game to be a lot bigger than it actually was. I know people who have put 100+ hours into it, and the size of the map suggests that’s entirely justifiable. The map is deceiving, though. Most of it is purposefully unreachable with the game taking place on just a handful of the same roads. This isn’t like Breath of the Wild where you’ll travel from a desert to a jungle to a snowy mountain. Everything stays consistently “rocks ‘n trees” here, and you’ll get sick of fighting the same flying harpies over and over regardless of which mission you’re currently on.

The combat can be pretty fun, though, when you’re up against bigger monsters. Taking down a chimera or cyclops is always a rewarding experience. In fact, I think my favorite part of Dragon’s Dogma was the final chapter where you are sent to explore a dungeon full of harder monsters. There’s also a superfluous bonus dungeon called Bitterblack Isle that’s probably pretty similar, and I’m guessing that’s where players are racking up these 100+ hours of gameplay. But I never bothered to visit Bitterblack Isle, because, frankly, the main game didn’t captivate me enough to warrant staying after that really weird ending.

The story of Dragon’s Dogma isn’t very memorable, anyway, but it does hit some rather strange beats. For instance, there’s a mission that ends with the duke throwing you in prison, but when you escape, everyone’s friends with you again. The game tries to make you think your choices matter, but they ultimately don’t. And all of the story-related missions are just as fetch-questy as the actual side quests, which cheapens their impact. I feel like they could have scrapped the story entirely and just focused on designing a better variety of monsters and dungeons. Maybe that’s the whole point of Bitterblack Isle, and I’m missing out on the best the game has to offer. But then why wasn’t the main story the best?

Toy Soldiers: Complete Review

Toy Soldiers

If you’re anything like me and are constantly craving more co-op tower defense games, then Toy Soldiers: Complete should be right up your alley. The “Complete” version is required, though, since Toy Soldiers 1 didn’t originally have co-op and has been reconfigured here to support it. But that also means this version of the game ended up being a somewhat crummy port. Enemies are constantly falling through the map and dying on their own or failing to reveal themselves, making it impossible to finish the level. I had to re-attempt one map 3-4 times before the game finally “clicked.”

Fortunately, once you get into the Cold War levels, the bugs go away for the most part. And Cold War is a more challenging and intense campaign, anyway. But both campaigns are fun, especially when tackled co-op. One player can focus on keeping the towers upgraded and repaired while another player can hop in a tank to attack the enemies head-on. That’s the best part about Toy Soldiers: being able to directly control a tower or vehicle. It’s not as hands on as, say, Dungeon Defenders, but it does make the tower defense gameplay that much more action-oriented.

Trailer Park Boys: Out of the Park – Season 1 Review

Trailer Park Boys: Europe

You can take the boys out of Sunnyvale trailer park, but you can’t take Sunnyvale out of… well, I take that back. Even though Ricky, Julian, and Bubbles stayed true to their personalities while traveling in Europe, they put up with way more crap than they would have ever tolerated back home. Mr. Lahey had always been a great antagonist to “the boys,” because there was so much give and take in those battles. Lahey would lose as often as he would win. In this “Out of the Park” travel spin-off, however, the antagonist is a Swearnet representative with the most punchable face in television who never gets his comeuppance. He mocks the boys right up to the end and even hints that there could be more seasons of this kind of suffering.

Oh, Lord… I really hope this was a one-off experiment. I liked that the boys’ trip was hardly glamorous, though. I was afraid this was going to feel like nothing more than an excuse for them to have fun in Europe. That wasn’t the case at all. Even the celebrities they met were, for the most part, intentional assholes. And the point of the trip quickly became them needing to perform ridiculous tasks to earn enough money to eat. But the Swearnet guy almost always refused to give them their money based on technicalities like, “There were too many people in your photo.” After a while, I just got tired of watching the boys get beaten down and grow increasingly hungry. Consider this a lesson learned and don’t leave the park next time.